Let's be real guys!

Lately I've been wondering why we as believers are so quick to be open about things that need to change, things we don't have, ways we wish we were different.  Ways we fall short.  Things we want to be delivered from.  Do we ever experience victory?  Do we ever receive deliverance?  What was it like before?  How did God break through?  How is life different now?


I have two reasons why I wish we did this more.  First, God deserves way more praise than He gets.  Maybe we feel like we're bragging or something, but really, in our false humility, we miss out on a lot of opportunities to celebrate with one another.  And we rob God of His glory.  Second, we alienate ourselves from each other.  We deal with our stuff and then just leave it in the past, we don't admit that we're imperfect.  So we are left feeling alone, like we're the only ones struggling with our issues.


So let's be vulnerable!  Let's share the dark times so we can rejoice entering into the light!  I'll start, and try to keep it in a nutshell (though I could go on for pages about how wonderful God's grace is).


Beginning when I was around fifteen or so, I developed some unhealthy eating habits.  It started with categorizing things as bad or good, trying to eat the good ones, and feeling guilty when I ate the bad ones.  I obsessed over calorie counting and meal planning.  I also picked up a habit of dealing with feelings of guilt, loneliness, and anxiety by eating, eventually becoming a binge eater.  A few symptoms I had, as I found online:

• The inability to stop eating or control what you're eating
• Rapidly eating large amounts of food
• Eating even when you're full
• Eating normally around others, but gorging when you're alone
• Feeling stress or tension that is only relieved by eating
• Embarrassment over how much you're eating
• Feeling numb while bingeing- like you're not really there or you're on auto-pilot
• Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you eat
• Feeling guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating
• Desperation to control weight and eating habits

It was scary and I didn't know what it was or why it happened.  Eventually I started purging after excessive binges, moving towards bulimia (which is basically like being a binge eater except you throw it all up afterwards.  Gross, I know.)  I remember some Sundays when I would wake up early, work a shift at Starbucks, go home and eat too much, purge as fast as I could, and then race to the church for worship practice.  I'm not sure how many toilets I've cleaned in other people's homes while house sitting so that they wouldn't know.  Or how many groceries I replaced because I ate such huge quantities and didn't want them to get suspicious.  I'll bet everyone thought I was okay.  I mean, I was losing weight, appeared to eat pretty healthy, and smiled a lot, so what could be wrong?


It was only when I completely surrendered my will, my beliefs, my goals, my plans, my wants, my perceived needs, when I traded them in for God's will, biblical truths, and God's provision, that I experienced freedom.  I haven't purged in two years, and I've only had one or two occurrences of what I would refer to as binge eating (eating two chocolate chip cookies instead of one doesn't count).


I can't honestly say that I never spend too much time and energy thinking about food.  I can't say that I don't occasionally wish I was thinner and think about how to lose weight.  But I can say, in full confidence, that these things no longer hold me captive.  I am no longer a slave to sin, but a slave to Christ!  I will never find the words to fully describe to you what this freedom feels like!
So how about it, then?  Are you ready to be vulnerable?  To join with your brothers and sisters and really share life?  I'd love to hear your stories and how I can pray for you!  I'd also encourage you to check out Romans 6 for more encouragement.